i haven't been posting anything lately...it's probably cause no one else is...well anyways....things are just normal...boring as usual. There's just this one old lady near my friend's house....mari's who really pissed me off the day i came....looking for her house :/
well this post is kinda short....srry?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
a long post...me babble on....yes. its stupid. i know it is.
no one understands me..not even my mother. and no one will ever understand how it is to be in another person's life. yet they all think that their life bad...yet the never see how other ppl have it way worse. i know im like that...but here's my resoning: those children who live in africa and are starving, they may suffer physical pain...but at least they can go to heaven earlier than us...be released of all that...yet we all are trapped here. Those girls who got abused over and over; their parents may be mean...but wat ever happened....they do not suffer from the emotional pain? and need i say more those who dont have money. I SAY WHO EVER ****en cares? they dont have money but they all have something: loving parents
ITs never enough. Crying: that's old now. Crying doesn't help. ITs hard to hide back tears...u jsut let them fall...but that's not enough.. everytime you cry, you just feel worse. What's there to loose? Just wish that you would one day just go to sleep and then never wake up again...wat's there to loose? what's there to miss? Those tears....they are always there. They make dents in your heart, theat never goes away. Its always there. Never going anywhere...sometimes you just forget...only for a second and you will feel a wierght being lifted off ur shoulders. You miss the times when u were innocent all nice....and the times when you get good night sleeps, you don't dream of all those...and cry every night. You don't go to bed feeling ashamed of yourself, blaming urself. You don't feel all depressed....i know that other ppl have it worse, i know, bhut its not always true. No one feels your pain. you keep to yourself unitil the day when the bundle of.....just topples over and you feel ur emotions all messed up. Its not easy living like me. its never easy living. what did got put me here for? there's no point in life. now i find out why many want to just die...but im too much of a coward to kill myself,..im not like one of those fakers who always say "omg im soo depressed" its deep inside. i cant comaplin to anyone its soo hard to not complain, but it'll just not come out. that accent sorrow...its never gone completely ..... and when its time to sleep you jsut feel it stab u...growing worse each night. And when you wake up...its juts the same, you jsut want to be gone...out of this "misery u call it" and then you will jsut wonder ever wonder why god, ever...ever made u in the first place. u think that u dont beling in this world. You long for something to rescue u, but u know for sure that its not true....and everything all bunched up....
Its not like my mother's any different from urs. they both love us....or do they? ITs just so hard to understand them sometimes. I feel like im still a kid, and i think i still am...from the way they classify me. And its soo hard sometimes not to argure back and show all ur emotions...all those deep feelings and all of those....bhut then wat if she just looks at u...and then say that ur a failure, that u disappointed her...that she SHOULD be dead, that ur the one torturing her. its not like i can help it...its just me....wat have i done wrong? i want to just die, save everyone the pain...bhut they always end up making things way worse. and then i jsut decide back to...holding it all in again. And to have a dad who dont even care...who makes U work and calls U dumb and U lazy when he doesn't even know anything. And someone who expects U to do all the things they expected GREATLY yet they dont give u anything to start with. all that expectation and all that desires...and greddiness.....and all that....i cant jsut do it. i have nothing with me that guareenteds the things are possible. i mean, its not like im a goddess or anything...im only human. no one to encourage me, no one to jsut look at me in the face and love me for who i am...its soo hard sometimes. and then u jsut fall flat in the face...with nothing to land on and u just sink in deeper and deeper. they call u selfish. and u cruel
and u are the most selfish person alive.
am i?
its soo hard to live like this. i jsut wish that one day i'll die. they just keep holding onto the past nad taking those memories and throw it at you...and when you compalin, they just ignore u...and then yell....scream....cry....guilt.
its soo hard....damn i know it is....its soo hard to live like this is very hard. i know that others have it way worse, bhut so many others get to jsut live as a chikld, have fun...while i dont.
i dont ask for material things...jsut some protection? some love? some hope that im here for someone for something? something to live and hold on for? is it too much to ask. is it? Am i really much that stupid.
my mom would just tell me "you selfish person...you dont think of other people.. why dont u think of others beofre your self for once? but am i really the selfish one??? wat had i done? its not only me....WAT THE FUCK.
and the times when she would say that i have no respect for others
and all of those harsh words she wouold just fire at me...they jsut make me
hurt
sad
like bullets piercing a heart
and dispite all that...i manage to ignore the fact,
and live on...hopefully that day would come....that day im not sure what will happen
but it'll be the reason im here.
i dont treat anyone like trash on purpose
its jsut me "u just want me to do this and that for u u dont love me...fine then ehy should i love u back" those words....i hear them a million times...why does hse never ever say "i love you" for once? why is it that her words are always like frozen ice piecing me?
im gone everyday
and that layer
is thinning
and maybe
maybe
one
day
that layer will be completely gone....and the last words
will kill me soo much
that i will be
me soo much
to actually
relive
ask god for a new life?
no....i jsut want to be gone
somewhere else: no where where no one can hurt me any further
and i'll be somewhere, but nowhere
and i will....
just
disappear.
ITs never enough. Crying: that's old now. Crying doesn't help. ITs hard to hide back tears...u jsut let them fall...but that's not enough.. everytime you cry, you just feel worse. What's there to loose? Just wish that you would one day just go to sleep and then never wake up again...wat's there to loose? what's there to miss? Those tears....they are always there. They make dents in your heart, theat never goes away. Its always there. Never going anywhere...sometimes you just forget...only for a second and you will feel a wierght being lifted off ur shoulders. You miss the times when u were innocent all nice....and the times when you get good night sleeps, you don't dream of all those...and cry every night. You don't go to bed feeling ashamed of yourself, blaming urself. You don't feel all depressed....i know that other ppl have it worse, i know, bhut its not always true. No one feels your pain. you keep to yourself unitil the day when the bundle of.....just topples over and you feel ur emotions all messed up. Its not easy living like me. its never easy living. what did got put me here for? there's no point in life. now i find out why many want to just die...but im too much of a coward to kill myself,..im not like one of those fakers who always say "omg im soo depressed" its deep inside. i cant comaplin to anyone its soo hard to not complain, but it'll just not come out. that accent sorrow...its never gone completely ..... and when its time to sleep you jsut feel it stab u...growing worse each night. And when you wake up...its juts the same, you jsut want to be gone...out of this "misery u call it" and then you will jsut wonder ever wonder why god, ever...ever made u in the first place. u think that u dont beling in this world. You long for something to rescue u, but u know for sure that its not true....and everything all bunched up....
Its not like my mother's any different from urs. they both love us....or do they? ITs just so hard to understand them sometimes. I feel like im still a kid, and i think i still am...from the way they classify me. And its soo hard sometimes not to argure back and show all ur emotions...all those deep feelings and all of those....bhut then wat if she just looks at u...and then say that ur a failure, that u disappointed her...that she SHOULD be dead, that ur the one torturing her. its not like i can help it...its just me....wat have i done wrong? i want to just die, save everyone the pain...bhut they always end up making things way worse. and then i jsut decide back to...holding it all in again. And to have a dad who dont even care...who makes U work and calls U dumb and U lazy when he doesn't even know anything. And someone who expects U to do all the things they expected GREATLY yet they dont give u anything to start with. all that expectation and all that desires...and greddiness.....and all that....i cant jsut do it. i have nothing with me that guareenteds the things are possible. i mean, its not like im a goddess or anything...im only human. no one to encourage me, no one to jsut look at me in the face and love me for who i am...its soo hard sometimes. and then u jsut fall flat in the face...with nothing to land on and u just sink in deeper and deeper. they call u selfish. and u cruel
and u are the most selfish person alive.
am i?
its soo hard to live like this. i jsut wish that one day i'll die. they just keep holding onto the past nad taking those memories and throw it at you...and when you compalin, they just ignore u...and then yell....scream....cry....guilt.
its soo hard....damn i know it is....its soo hard to live like this is very hard. i know that others have it way worse, bhut so many others get to jsut live as a chikld, have fun...while i dont.
i dont ask for material things...jsut some protection? some love? some hope that im here for someone for something? something to live and hold on for? is it too much to ask. is it? Am i really much that stupid.
my mom would just tell me "you selfish person...you dont think of other people.. why dont u think of others beofre your self for once? but am i really the selfish one??? wat had i done? its not only me....WAT THE FUCK.
and the times when she would say that i have no respect for others
and all of those harsh words she wouold just fire at me...they jsut make me
hurt
sad
like bullets piercing a heart
and dispite all that...i manage to ignore the fact,
and live on...hopefully that day would come....that day im not sure what will happen
but it'll be the reason im here.
i dont treat anyone like trash on purpose
its jsut me "u just want me to do this and that for u u dont love me...fine then ehy should i love u back" those words....i hear them a million times...why does hse never ever say "i love you" for once? why is it that her words are always like frozen ice piecing me?
im gone everyday
and that layer
is thinning
and maybe
maybe
one
day
that layer will be completely gone....and the last words
will kill me soo much
that i will be
me soo much
to actually
relive
ask god for a new life?
no....i jsut want to be gone
somewhere else: no where where no one can hurt me any further
and i'll be somewhere, but nowhere
and i will....
just
disappear.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
a pile of Sh*T please dont read? its stupid and makes no sense.
i hate my fuken damned asian family. HATE THEM. I HAVE NO PERSONAL FREEDOM.... >:O wat am i here for....god's mean, he put me in a place where i hav to liv up w/ ppl's expectations yet i hav nothing to use BLAH BLAH.....i hav nothing to liv for and nothing to strive for. i have nothing in my life that gives me any reason to liv happily. i just look foward to the day im out of this crap and into my own life. i dont want to be stuck here forever. i know that other ppl are suffering more than me and i shouldn't complain, bhut i dont have anything ANY DAMNED STUPID FUCKEN rights to live. aint that just GRAND? My life makes no sense at all. Sometimes i just look up and ask god y im even alive. And that question is still remained unanswerd. if my fricken parents want me to live and BE HAPPY-what everyone deserves- they should at least giv me some damned rights...i mean its not like im gonna go out on the street and get fucken raped by some asshole. i mean, there are plenty of gud ppl and they jsut "happen" to giv me to the bad ppl and not know it. they think ppl that hurt me are the ppl that "help" me. WAT THE FUK....damn......ok, i feel a lil better. mary's not here to discuss w/ me so i needa use the blog.. >.>
Sunday, October 11, 2009
MY new website
i have a new website now :D become a member and i'll be very happy xD hehe
its
http://chaii-tii.webs.com/
its
http://chaii-tii.webs.com/
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
hey hey :)
hey all :) i know that i haven't post seriously in a long time, so im going to do so right now xD.
well anyway...school's almost starting and i think that its going to be tougher this year for me. I think , but can't be sure that i will have to take zero period...and that means that you have to wake up at 6:30 in the morning and get ready for school. You run in the cold and then what's worse is that i bet i'll be the slowest in class -_- I HATE RUNNING. and that's an understatement. And then i bet that will be left alone to run alone...and then everyone have to wait for me and that would be HUMILIATING -_-
anyways...sides from the fact that i might have to take zero period, i also have to do yearbook. Now that may sound fun to you, but to me...its torture:deadlines, extra work, u might loose ur digital camera when u bring it to school...etc. I don't know why or how my teacher sucked me into this thing...i mean....ITS EXTRA WORK! dang it...i regret the time i said "yes" cause i wanted to use photoshop...but guess what? I ALREADY HAVE A PROGRAM THAT'S LIKE THAT >:O Also another thing im worried about is orchestra. I'm not that good...cause i sometimes play the wrong note..and my reflexes are low. i cant play things fast and i have bad hand position...here are other worries:
geometry: i don't know if i'll get into this..but also im worries cause i might struggle and think that it is too hard..and then maybe fail the class -_-
science:last year i wasn't really concetrating cause our teacher SUCKED. She didn't really teach us all we needed to learn...and also it might be hard and then i won't get used to the "LOTS OF HW" policy since last yr be barely had any -_-
Laguage arts: Last year my L.A. teacher sorta gave us grades that we sorta might not deserve? but idk...i truly worked hard...but wat ev.
Social Studies: My social studies teacher was easy with the tests since we had those "cheatsheets..."
well anyway...school's almost starting and i think that its going to be tougher this year for me. I think , but can't be sure that i will have to take zero period...and that means that you have to wake up at 6:30 in the morning and get ready for school. You run in the cold and then what's worse is that i bet i'll be the slowest in class -_- I HATE RUNNING. and that's an understatement. And then i bet that will be left alone to run alone...and then everyone have to wait for me and that would be HUMILIATING -_-
anyways...sides from the fact that i might have to take zero period, i also have to do yearbook. Now that may sound fun to you, but to me...its torture:deadlines, extra work, u might loose ur digital camera when u bring it to school...etc. I don't know why or how my teacher sucked me into this thing...i mean....ITS EXTRA WORK! dang it...i regret the time i said "yes" cause i wanted to use photoshop...but guess what? I ALREADY HAVE A PROGRAM THAT'S LIKE THAT >:O Also another thing im worried about is orchestra. I'm not that good...cause i sometimes play the wrong note..and my reflexes are low. i cant play things fast and i have bad hand position...here are other worries:
geometry: i don't know if i'll get into this..but also im worries cause i might struggle and think that it is too hard..and then maybe fail the class -_-
science:last year i wasn't really concetrating cause our teacher SUCKED. She didn't really teach us all we needed to learn...and also it might be hard and then i won't get used to the "LOTS OF HW" policy since last yr be barely had any -_-
Laguage arts: Last year my L.A. teacher sorta gave us grades that we sorta might not deserve? but idk...i truly worked hard...but wat ev.
Social Studies: My social studies teacher was easy with the tests since we had those "cheatsheets..."
Saturday, August 15, 2009
imma At my couz. house
yes....i am at my couz house....using his laptop....[toadster's laptop....(11 yrs old)].... :D i have nothin to write about...and i dun post for a long time....anyway...school is coming..and toadster is gonna join PMS!!! yes....aha....
yup wish list:
camera[digital] for yr book...
PScs3[cause its fun for me]
AND A LOT MORE STUFF~``~~
hmmmm.....wat ev......aOMG its the girly melon~~~ ;D i knw no one reads it...nahhhh :PPPPPP SPAMING BLAH BLAH~~~
the pic above is called "fat man" made my my couz about 2 yrs ago on PAINT....i know ist wierd....but its werid.....imma wierd :D and he's wierd....THE WHOLE FAmILY'S WIERD....[not me thid yr...me feel like a change?]
Friday, July 31, 2009
These are all aviis i made >.< yes the first one and the 4th one are picstures that are originaly black and white...so i had ta color them then make it into an avii So if ur gonna need me ta make u one :] u know how:just pm me [private message/email] which one do u like best? oh yea...i do make 100x100 pixels icons too avatars for anything :] these are about 200x650 pixels. click on each avii to enlarge it see it up close lolz
PROFILES
Hey this is all the profiles i made :] amn't i good...i know xD ok :] which one ish ur fav? pleez comment and if yoo would like me ta make u one...well sorta for like some website ur opening...just pm [private message/mail] me and send me the pics ya want in it and it'll be ready in like 2 hrs? or so lolz well...make sure ta credit me and NO STEALING!!!! #$%@ u rippers.oooh btw...i can do notbook edges too...i'll post the sample here later?
hey...u want this? i didn't make it but i asked the creator for permission
one of my graphic friends made this :] and i know some ppl are fans of twilight so i asked her permission if i can share this and she said yes! :] ok, the (c) at the bottom makes sure u giv her credit and dont claim that u made it cause i hate rippers [Rip means that you cut out the person's copyright and then put ur own and claim that u made it] I SERIOUSLY HATE THEM...some steal my work...and claim its theirs will feel my wrath >:O I WILL FIND U AND RIP UR BRAINS OFF..well maybe not, but i will report ya if i find it.So feel free ta use it, just make sure to giv her the credit when someone asks where ya got it, :] KAY?
ooooh btw...i make graphics too, so if ya wanna ask me ta make something...i will :]
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
August Calendar for u :] i made it myself~ :3
I made this august calendar for u ppl this yr :] please enjoy this and make sure to credit me...[i am animeangel778]tell me if u would like to request a customized calendars...and just send me the url of the picture or upload the pic or email the picture to me thanx :] hope u enjoy the calendar i made :]
oooh btw,click on the calendar to enlarge it so you can see the full size :]
Monday, July 20, 2009
my ultimate favorite drama: fullhouse <3
the original korean drama love triangle repeated:
the girl on the left is loved by the dood on the rite, but she only likes the guy on the left who however liks the girl on the rite. The girl on the left is really selfish because she wants both guys to herself...later on the guy on the rite finds out that his true love is the girl on the rite...but he needs to battle in order to win her heart because he has a love enemy...the guy on the left...who also is his friend~
Full House is my favorite drama ever! haha y? its funny and romantic at the same time :] The reason Why i hate some other Korean dramas is because some other stories have a stupid plot [ex//girl meets guy teacher and falls in love with him,but her sister likes the teachers brother and so on x.x]. Sides from the fact that there are pretty good actors[who look pretty decent ;D]
i noticed that there is a really cute theme song for this drama.It all begins when her "friends" who are broke tricked the girl on the rite to go on a "free vaction". however it is just a plot for then to take her fortune, because they are broke and got kick out of their house. The girl on the rite was on the airplane to china and guess whose she's next to? yep the guy on the rite...[he really is a famous actor going to china for a movie shoot]...and now u probably guess that they are soul mates annd lovey dovey but wat really happened it that she Barfed on him..haha way good first impression ha?when she got back to korea, she found out that her "friend" had sold her house...and guess to who? yep...the guy she barfed on AKA. the dood on the rite.To find out more,watch this drama!
[link to watch http://www.mysoju.com/full-house/ ]
wats in this drama: laughs, romance,and awkward and funny situations//ex//the girl on the rite marries the dood on the rite...as a contract to get her house back...but fate has it that there will be more than just a contract that bond then together...its true love
(i wrote this review...(c)animeangel778//helen)
the girl on the left is loved by the dood on the rite, but she only likes the guy on the left who however liks the girl on the rite. The girl on the left is really selfish because she wants both guys to herself...later on the guy on the rite finds out that his true love is the girl on the rite...but he needs to battle in order to win her heart because he has a love enemy...the guy on the left...who also is his friend~
Full House is my favorite drama ever! haha y? its funny and romantic at the same time :] The reason Why i hate some other Korean dramas is because some other stories have a stupid plot [ex//girl meets guy teacher and falls in love with him,but her sister likes the teachers brother and so on x.x]. Sides from the fact that there are pretty good actors[who look pretty decent ;D]
i noticed that there is a really cute theme song for this drama.It all begins when her "friends" who are broke tricked the girl on the rite to go on a "free vaction". however it is just a plot for then to take her fortune, because they are broke and got kick out of their house. The girl on the rite was on the airplane to china and guess whose she's next to? yep the guy on the rite...[he really is a famous actor going to china for a movie shoot]...and now u probably guess that they are soul mates annd lovey dovey but wat really happened it that she Barfed on him..haha way good first impression ha?when she got back to korea, she found out that her "friend" had sold her house...and guess to who? yep...the guy she barfed on AKA. the dood on the rite.To find out more,watch this drama!
[link to watch http://www.mysoju.com/full-house/ ]wats in this drama: laughs, romance,and awkward and funny situations//ex//the girl on the rite marries the dood on the rite...as a contract to get her house back...but fate has it that there will be more than just a contract that bond then together...its true love
(i wrote this review...(c)animeangel778//helen)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
asian hair:girl's :3
you get the idea~ girls and guy hair both have cool texture and layers...and sometimes they dye their a different color~ somethimes they curl their hair and sometimes...the "tease" their hair to get a puffy effect [i cant find any pics on how the "mushroom hair"] Asian hair isn't only for asains cause evry one can have a cool look w/ it [i looked for pics, and i see goth white doods have pretty cool hair too] ehhh... but i perfer asian hair w/ asian movie stars XD asain hair prt 2 :3
<----see wat i mean when i say only cute guys look good w/ asain hair...yeah HAHHAHA that picture disturbs me.....TT.TT stop it!!! ewwwie....
in the other hand...asain hair can be cool gothic look. ya need to change ur hair color..ta blonde or orange ;3
did i metion that the fashion color ish orange? i always wanted orange hair XD jk...im fine w/ my black hair :P
in the other hand...asain hair can be cool gothic look. ya need to change ur hair color..ta blonde or orange ;3did i metion that the fashion color ish orange? i always wanted orange hair XD jk...im fine w/ my black hair :P
asian hair <3 [only cute guys/girl look giid w/ asain hair :3]
yes girl ;D <3 id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">OK....u dun c me obsessing over guys every day..but the hair just does it :3 I'm attracted to hair :3 really CUTE HAIR :P[the guys are casts from boys over flowers] <3
ehhh: its Kim bum and min ho [except u dun c him w/ straight hair much in the drama]
Asian hair!!!!!!
you wanna see Asian hair with an ugly dood? as i told ya before...Asian hair only works with cute guys and girls :P
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
hiyas!!!ok,i've changed my wallpaper and computer theme again, remember my olive green theme w/ the peaceful lookin' anime wallpaper? now i changed the theme to silver and black theme ~ AND I EVEN GOT MY WALLPAPER CUSTOM MADE!!!!YEAH DONT YOU SEE MY NAME ON THE WALLPAPER? ISN'T IT COOL?????? ok:the payment was 8 picture uploads~ desu yup and i even got the original pic too: see the picture above, i got the theme "black and white w/ polka dots~cute desu!!!!!! :3 if anyone request a wallpaper or icon for their account,just tell me and i'll order it for yoooo
form
wat text u want on it
picture:or html for the pic
that's it~ :]
happy summer!!!!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Summer ~ ehhhhh so bored -.-
ehhhhhhhh....y ish this summer so boring?????? YYYYYYY??????? ehehehehehehehehehhehehe
yesh i am very spamming but idCCCCCCAAAARRREEE >:O lallalalallala bored
at least this fricken thing ish updated -.-
yesh i am very spamming but idCCCCCCAAAARRREEE >:O lallalalallala bored
at least this fricken thing ish updated -.-
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Manga colouring
hihi pplz :] yep, helen's back w/ something different than graphic editing!!! yep: a form of art: digitally coloring manga!!! yep! it might look easy, but trust me, its harder than it looks, cause you mite mess up or something. If ur interested, i'm planning to oneday, maybe upload my own drawings and color them digitally to create a colored manga!!! YAYAYYAYAYYAY :] ehhh...right now, i just gotta get my dad to hook up the stupid printer.....
This ish the first time i colored manga. i didn't use layers, so it did look a bit not professional, but i think i did better than most ppl on CR *okkk....*
hahaha :] if u would like a pic, i'll get a proffesional manga colorer to color it!!! yeah.
order online HAhAHAHAHHA, and guess wat? the payment ish only to invite ppl or upload images :P hahhahahhahahahahhahahahhah ok....i'm overeacting...
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
free summer icons for you :] yups SUMMER ICONZ WOOT!!!!
that's it...no more...yup use these iconz for anything u want :] they're free :D
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